Things That Are Stupid #12983

My nana forwarded this email on to me today:

If I happened to show up on your door step crying,
Would you Care?

If I called you and asked you to pick me up

because something Happened, Would you come?

If I needed a shoulder to cry on,
Would you give me Yours?

Do you know what the relationship is between your two eyes? They blink together, they move together, they cry together, They see things together and they sleep together,

BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER...
that's what friendship is.
Life is lonely without FRIENDS

I'm pretty sure if anyone short of a blood-soaked, drooling hobo came to my door, I would care. (Even then, I'd be concerned. I'd shut the door and call the cops, but I'd still care.)

I'm pretty sure I'd pick anyone I knew up if something happened, as long as they weren't about to kill me.

I'm pretty sure I'd let anyone, again, short of a blood-soaked, drooling hobo, cry on my shoulder.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I must be a pretty great person. Or, if that email is true, that I am a friend to just about anybody short of a ... well you get it. I better inser the tongue-in-cheek tag here in case someone decides to take this seriously.

We did our first family photoshoot today for Osenoa; it went well, I think! We'll have a website up in the next little bit.

Also new, there is a mystery concerning my bedroom and how a thick ceramic wall hanging was broken in half, then carefully placed together again so that it looked like nothing ever happened. Pieces that had obviously broken off were nowhere in sight when I picked up the wall hanging that mysteriously split all the way down the middle on its own. "Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had any goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl??" I'm suspicious of my superintendents, since I find them walking in and out of the place sometimes. Wouldn't be altogether shocking. I'm there barely enough to care, but I do enjoy a good spine-tingler now and then!

I'm not good enough at lying, so this is serious

Around 2004, while I was living in Welland, a group of us were racing down a side street (running). I wasn't fond of the idea, but everyone was trying to get into shape and I was just sort of there. Anyhow, I fell behind and decided to just walk to the end of the road, which ran parallel to some train tracks. There was an alleyway (if you can call it that) between two houses that took you from the street to the railroad tracks, and a path that went beyond that. Lying rather calmly on the ground in that "alleyway", about 100 feet away from me, was this enormous black cat.

I am retarded, so I considered walking up to reach out and touch what I was seeing because it was so unreal, but I shook the idea out of my head and continued to walk to catch up to the others, staring at it all the while. When I finally caught up, they said "Oh yeah?" because apparently a giant cat roaming the city is not something to be concerned about.

I had never heard of it beforehand. After I told a couple people, I heard that there had been sightings for a couple of years.

Then I saw an article in the paper today. This is it. (Also, the picture printed in the paper shows the actual picture, which is without a doubt a wild cat of some type; black, as I described. Way to make it look like Area 51 in this picture, internet site.)

I'm not crazy!

This just in:

One of my fish who I noticed was missing all day has turned up dead. Well, half of him has, but I haven't got much hope for the rest of him. So far, a string of a fish body has surfaced from beneath one of the plastic aquarium plants. The rest of his body and his head are yet to be found. Considering the other fish are only slightly larger than he was, and that they're not really aggressive, and that they've lived with him for months prior to this devastating incident, homicide has been ruled out. There was a recent water change and tank cleaning (no abrasive cleaning products were used, only warm water), and the water seemed slightly warmer than usual when I checked on it earlier (i.e., before the corpse was exhumed). From this given evidence, I can only conclude that the water became too hot for the fish and he, in turn, exploded. Then, his head fell off the face of the earth, because I haven't been able to find it anywhere. Then, he had the other fish (who somehow remained alive and healthy) bury him under a plant according to his unwritten fish will, because that's where I finally found him. Under a fucking plant and a bunch of gravel.

This shit is bananas.