There's this weird feeling in my stomach today. 22 years ago this day, my good friend Ellie was born. She became one of the most sensible yet most adorably fun people I have ever been lucky enough to meet. I was always in awe of her positive outlook on everything. Even when we didn't agree, which was rare, I always understood where she was coming from. She had about a billion friends because she was such an easy person to get to know and love. I can't think of a moment we wasted not living the hell out of our friendship, and that part makes me happy.

Earlier this year, as you probably know if you've been reading far back enough, she was taken away from all of us in a horrible accident. It shook and shattered me, as I'm sure it did for just about everyone who knew this beautiful girl, so full of life and spirit and sense and fun.

Today, on your birthday (as with every day, which is not an exaggeration) I miss you and think of our time together, Ellie. You gave me hope, inspired me to be a better person, and taught me that yes, there are funny, intelligent girls out there with ridiculously good taste in music. Thanks for coming along and showing me a thing or two. If you were here tonight, you know that I'd be demanding again that you go ask the barkeep for a glass full of water and birthday lemons.

You're the devil in me

We're going to see District 9 tonight, which I know nothing about, except that there's something about aliens (or Mary) involved in it. I'll do it because Miklos's sister is a peach and we have movie passes because of her.

Went for sushi with Heather today for the first time in a while. It was refreshing, although we didn't get to go to Sushi Jade because it's now something of a condemned building instead of a restaurant. Which I kind of expected, after the last time I went there and the whole half-frozen food thing happened. At any rate, they've moved to the Falls to try their sketchiness on for size with new scenery.

I found a second job, but I don't know if I'll keep it. If nothing else, it fills the holes in my day that my actual job doesn't.

I was pretty sure I couldn't do it, but it only took me from 2pm until now to read the three disgustingly long chapters I needed to, with just one break to eat a [horrible] packet of Thai noodles [that cook up like Mr Noodles which has sent my stomach into an effervescent spiral of hellishness] so that I didn't starve. I should've just eaten dirt off the kitchen floor. Plenty for all!

This morning, I enjoyed breakfast with Garth. That was a nice switch! Breakfast is the greatest meal because it is delicious, feels right with coffee, and is cheap. Especially when your friend pays for you because he feels sorry for you because you're moaning about all the wrong in your life. You're cool, Garth!

I want chips now.

Minutiae

A long time ago, when I was much angrier or at least cared more, some idiot commented on my blog in all his pretentiousness and [in all likelihood only] criticized me for writing about the 'minutiae of my life' [because it made him feel all warm and special inside to say a word containing more than three vowels in it]. He made his statement that no one cared but me.

And you know, that's true. It is. No one does care about this stuff, except me, and maybe the people I write about, and maybe a few more people if I throw in a good pop culture WHAMMO! every now and then. I never denied any of that. Just felt a bit angry and annoyed with the part about some moron feeling himself important and above it all enough to make such a statement in a world that's booming with blogs of every kind.

Now that I really stop to think, though, there's so much more to it than the absurdity of that statement. 'The minutiae of our lives' is what our lives are comprised of. When I think of the things that Ellie and I did, sure, some of them slightly impacted others, in the way any other day-to-day transaction did. We never did anything to conquer the fucking universe, but had a lot of fun, a tonne of laughs (if they could be weighed), and a million little experiences we enjoyed but never thought would amount to anything.

But they do. Everything adds up to this one giant bag of shit we call life. And I happen to enjoy that bag of shit, whether it's rainbow coloured or brown. Whether I put an end to the credit crunch, or I end up paying off my debt one day and meeting a lot of great (or even useless) people in the process, that's what's happened in my life. You sold a painting to an adult contemporary washup who will be comprised of the same thing as me when each of us dies. The only difference is soil or ash. And that's not something that's based on whether I wrote "Candle in the Wind" or not.

And whether you want to believe it, you'll end up the same way too. It doesn't really matter what we do in life, minutiae or selling poor quality artwork to celebrities, because when we're gone, it's done. The world keeps turning.

Pearl said this to me today:
Life is like a game of chess, at the end of the game the king and pawn go in the same box.

That's right kids. Three disappointing, money-wasting years at Niagara fucking College are coming to close, and I'm beginning to gain back my train of thought again. This can't be good for the economy.

Thank you everyone for your incredible support through phone calls, MSN messages, and Facebook. Whether I've had the strength to reply directly or not, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. Without you guys, I don't think I could have made it through the day. It's not very often I have to be human, thankfully, and I'm trying to cope the best I can.

You guys are great.

Ellie

Ellie, may you rest in peace. There's not a word in the world that describes you better than "wonderful". I'd write on and on about how unfair this is, because it really is... but I can't write anything else today.

Code Red

I couldn't have picked a more beautiful bunch of winter days to have off work. The sky is blue (as far as I can tell with my curtains over the windows), and yesterday was a good day for pictures. Had a blueberry and a strawberry beer, which were all right, but kind of lackluster since my affinity for drinks has long vanished into my past of fun and hope and dreams and creativity.

Hey. Maybe I'll start drinking again to resurrect those qualities! That does it. My newly discovered alcoholism begins next week, just in time for school.

You'd think with all this time off, I'd get some reading in or something. But I haven't. I never had a life so brimming with friend-activities as I do now.

Unrelated: I want some poutine.

Walls

I was just lurking someone's Facebook shit and I gave myself a start when I found a photo of her with a girl I know. I did not know they knew each other. I need to stop this lurking stuff before I give myself a heart attack.

Isn't she a beaut!

Not having pressure to the maximum is a many wonderful thing. I don't care if I ever finish my program at all! Except for that whole "then it would be a giant waste of money" thing. But isn't it already? Isn't it? No.

While the mental pressure has subsided, the pressure on my left kneecap is enough to make me shriek in horrific pain every time I bend, and as such, I have been doing so all day while packing. The knee feels just about shattered, but the leg is also feeling it. Currently just a dull ache that's somewhat bothersome but easily handled, earlier this week I awoke to the most crippling Charlie horse of my life and hobbled around through my exams as a result. I'm not sure what I've done, but I am nearly sure I am in need of medical attention. Former Flight-Captain Doctor, I'll be seeing you soon.

The stupidest guy in the history of Survivor got voted off. Good. This is going to be one angry jury.

Farewell to my Sambi. Moving away from me is mean and considered a form of torment. Hope Calgary's cooler than this craphole!

"Ah, bitch!"

Google is a nice taste of ass. Flickr is also on my shit-list at the moment. But if there's anyone to blame, it's myself. Bah. So I'll say it. HI AGAIN! Have you missed me?? Obviously, since you're here. I'm just that interesting. Getting a life should be obligatory for all, and I can say that, because I'm finally at the point where I could totally get one! If I wanted to. But I'd rather just sleep.

But hey. Last exam was today, kids. Eight months off without school, and probably without a co-op, and that's still pretty all right.

Back to reality:
Sambone and I parted ways today. One of the best ladies I ever knew, gone. Another one lost to the Rocky Mountains. Tomorrow, should my phone want to upload it, I'll have a picture of us pre-hair salon trip, when our hairs were shaggy and yucky. And then I shall frame it. Aw. I miss her so much already, and she hasn't even left yet.

Tomorrow's packing day. New place, here we come.

Thanks for that, Karl. SO much.

Mud Flaps & Sadness

I got Andrew a Wii for his birthday, so we played the hell out of Smash Brothers last night. God damn, I am good. I'm going to be Zelda for Halloween. I already have the ears for it.

Tomorrow's the second interview. When you read this, think to yourself "Good luck to you, my friend! Good luck!" because I will be happy to have your positive energy along with me. That stuff's like booze for your SOUL.

Goran got the moves put on him by a man in a business suit at a seedy bar called Moe's. The man completely ignored me and called Goran "cute" at one point. Goran encouraged me to drink faster (half a pint in about 10 seconds... I'm little, which makes that all the more impressive) so that we could run out of the place and out of (Goran's) harm's way.

I love you all, have a nice day.

Badweather Friend

I miss the evenings coaching you not to be miserable. Since you've been happy, you've forgotten who helped bring you out of it, who pushed you to do all that you could to realize life was worth living.

I'm glad you're over that era. I'm happy you're okay with being alive.

I'm disappointed that you've done little in the way of maintaining our friendship since you've forgotten your depression; the very depression that, it would seem, kept that friendship together.

Them's just the breaks though, kid. I'm here For Influence Only. I'm a catalyst; never one to be kept for long.

Kudos to you, sir. Kudos to everyone.