I strongly advise you listen to Modern Guilt by Beck if you haven't lately. Especially while driving and not texting.

Ambition and motivation. As someone living on this particular place in the world, I have the privilege of having just about everything I need and still being too lazy to go out and claim it. Domesticated life is wonderful but is easy to slump into and settle. What about dreams and goals? Where did those go? I like to blame my college experience on destroying all of them (because it did), but also negative people.  I can't blame them personally though. I should never have allowed myself to be surrounded by such bitter folks. More often than not, people confuse me with them. At worst, I'm optimistically hopeless. At best, I am ambitious but fruitless. Bring on the fruit!

I lead a satisfied life in general speckled healthily with days of utter sloth and cynicism. Maybe I really do need more fruit. Actual kind.

Let's all get motivated and do something we wouldn't do this week. Skydive, go for a run, floss. Figure it out and tell me what you do when you're in a funk created by work and the forgetfulness that somewhere in you lies talent. Dan, you are not allowed to post a snarky comment. That will be your thing!

Time to get out more, enjoy what's left of these crispy fresh days before Winter 2011 swallows us whole.

Well played, credit card company

I'm the kind of person who for a long time paid her bills the second she got them. Then I sort of slumped into becoming the kind of person who pays them on time. According to the $8 interest charge on my credit card this month, I am now a deadbeat in my eyes, but through no fault of my own of course.

If you've ever used the website I'm talking about (which I will not reveal because I dunno, couldn't someone steal my identity that way? Not that I'd even want to steal my identity), you'd know how disorganized and poorly laid out it is, and how I fear for grandmas and grandpas using it because apparently I can't even read it properly and now my perfect credit record has an $8 interest dent in it.

Here's a thought for that website: Invest in an Excel spreadsheet layout!

And that is why I am switching to a different company.

*fin*

Is that real ketchup? Yep!

I'm normally a summer person, but it's going to be mid-temp today and I actually don't mind it.  Yesterday I remembered how much I loved a hot coffee instead of just liked it as a morning routine, and today it actually motivated me to wake up before 8am on my first day of vacation.  Shit!  It's so good!

You ever type something and at the same time someone else says that same thing? I don't.

Why is there an actually 'cut'-looking version of the Koodo spokesguy on the dash in a Volvo commercial?  I need to stop watching television again.  Those days without the 'tube' (what do we call them now? 'Impossibly flat boxes'?) were both the most creative and the most depressing days of my life.

So, let's recap my summer:  La la la la la la la.

Summer was great, necessary, and full of new experiences involving spending far more money than I ever realized was involved in owning a finished house.  Apparently, yards are expensive to have.  Go figure.  And as usual, it turns out that I still prefer my time up north to my time filled with work down here in the deep south of Ontario.  Nothing is very surprising when you're an old person in your late twenties.

If I ever buy a burgundy velvet chandelier, kill me.

Sometimes, people's faces resemble peanuts with fish eyes slapped onto them.  There is nothing wrong with that.

So, on vacation we will go in a few days.  No blogging will occur during this time, as we have a land line, satellite TV but no internet there.  It's a regular old pioneer days up north!  And that's the way your mom likes it.

Remember the time Dalton McGuinty replied to my tweet about how he's a wiener?  Every time I see his commercials, I can't help but remember how much I hate every useless election in this country.  But we already blasted that topic in May, so I will move on.

Boobs.

Mommy? Why do you have 20 blogs?

The answer to the above lies in my many personalities, my dear Dan.  (I assume you were the one asking the question.)  I wanted to create a blog for practical purposes -- little things I have learned and liked to know, or ideas, and the altogether simpler things.  After all, Rico has a blog, so it's only right that my domestic side does too.  And don't tell him he only has one follower.  He'll ride your ass for days trying to get you to explain what that even means, damn cat.

And then there's my good old familiar ranty blog, this one here.  [Aside: Bloggin' about bloggin'. Reminds me of years ago when a friend of mine was so poor he was smoking 'Smoking'-brand cigarettes.]  For a while, my interest dwindled, but like someone's dead grandpappy probably said, "Ain't no blog where ain't no blogger who done din' quit fer 10 hogs' hairs 'n come back gripin' 'bout how he ain't updated no blog no more." I think that's how that saying goes anyway.  It's been so long since someone's grandpappy last said that.

Okay I'm done this rant.  Now can someone tell me if they can see the Commatose favicon (the green icon by the URL in your address bar)?  I mean seriously.  It's there, it was there since the day I started blogging again, but now it doesn't appear on my screen no matter how many times I load, reload, re-upload, re-up, etc.  I LOVE YOU ALL.

Noma Noma Noma

Carpal tunnel's setting in, so I will be blunt. The lasagna we ate tonight was very good, even though it was hospital lasagna.  And I didn't even have to be hospitalized to have it.  So there it is.  Miracles do happen.

I also hate:

• Dalton McGuinty
• My own lack of direction
• Infuriating people

A List of Hates

I try (in more recent years) not to be entirely negative. A lot of you who are closer to me will admit that I am usually a happy person but I do have a cynical outlook on much of life, probably caused by being an overachiever but never really achieving anything tangible or impressive. I expect a lot sometimes, but usually only from the things I put a good amount of effort into on my own, which this August are many things, with few results.

In the spirit of not really revealing anything important, I've compiled a short list of a few petty things that bother me (and as such, don't fall into the above-described category), because you care.

• Reposting stupid pictures that 'work' for your comments and faves on Flickr. Wow, you're amazing. You took three good shots in your life. Stop reposting them. After everyone on your contacts list have seen them a billion times, and noticed you have nothing else to contribute, they're bound to think your 'talent' is simply flash-in-the-pan. You're really just making yourself look boring when you embrace the three creative things you've ever done and do not work to build upon them. You clearly have the potential, why not make use of it?
• Claiming that your job is "the hardest job in the whole world". Until you've worked every job in the whole world, you cannot make this statement truthfully.
• Criss Angel's overuse of the word 'employ'. Just say 'use'. You have millions of dollars, you don't need to impress anyone with a two-syllable word.
• Cat hair.
• The way my mouth has been hurting in different ways all week, although that could be attributed to something more important, so maybe it doesn't belong on this list.
• Not expecting that all humans are hypocrites in even one way.
• The fact that I once had to draw a diagram for someone to understand how what he was doing was wrong.
• Having to wear jeans on days in August where it "Feels like 42 degrees celsius" according to the weather network.
• Making a big deal over things that will change in seven seconds anyway via an email from some higher authority.
• Finding a fucking ant crawling on my toe just a second ago before I squished it.

Anyway, I don't care. Except about the ant. What was that guy's problem?

Realizations in Life:

1. Old people have money because they are done paying their debts and thus can actually keep their money earned/received.
2. In that, I am nowhere near old yet.

We got business cards and I like them so much that it kills me inside to hand them out because they're really great quality. I told my dad to take some to work. At first he split the pile so he had almost 1/3 of them. I said "NO NO! Not that many!!" Do I want to admire the cards or do I want business? Next time I'm making sure they look like pure crap before I order them.

Hi.

It's 1am.

It's ladybug season.

It's also the season where your superintendent decides it's O.K. to go into your apartment without prior vocal or written consent.

I'm getting really, really stressed out. I can honestly say, aside from job hunting, I've not felt this stretched thin mentally in a while. We've never missed a rent payment, never been late, always done everything right in this place, and the people who run the show in this building are being supremely ridiculous toward us all of a sudden. I'm not sure how one can break so many laws and contradict themselves on so many occasions without realizing the error or flawed logic in their ways, but these people happen to do it with finesse. Must have a lot of experience.

Aside.

It's actually becoming a real mental block for me to hear stories of how illogical and inane people and things can be. I dedicate my life to being a half-sloppy perfectionist, and somehow the coattail riders are coming out way ahead.

It's not a competition, it's not a competition.

That mantra doesn't work for me. These are the people winning at life: the kind of people who say they need an SUV because their car isn't big enough for two baby seats (when the person clearly has one child and probably won't mate again with her partner due to their tattered relationship). I start to wonder where they got this mysterious 1-bucket-backseated auto. Go back to the dealership. You got gypped, sonny!

Back on topic, then.

Here's the thing. When the superintendents are constantly discovered walking in and out of our apartment, should it really be requested, because they're too cheap to replace a ventilation fan that clearly isn't working right, that we shower with the door cracked open? I was under the impression this was a paid accommodation and that it was illegal to enter without written notice, not the army. A ten minute shower, taken at 3 separate times of day (there are three of us here) with the fan on should not peel a ceiling. Especially when you walked into my apartment 2 months ago without knocking and told me "Whoops, sorry! I'm just in here because the people above your place have water damage in their bathroom worse than I've ever seen in 25 years and I wanted to make sure you girls were alright." Especially when we keep that crappy fan on for an hour with the door open after we shower.

Or maybe we should just stop showering. That would eliminate a lot of these incongruities between us.

On top of it all, I'm angry that I'm getting angry. Which is somehow an even bigger stress to my system. At least, if all else fails, the supers have already breached the lease contract as well and the Landlord and Tenant Act by walking in and out of our place repeatedly. Shouldn't be hard to get out if it comes to that.

Anywho, it's 1:30 now, and the early morning fuels the fire as it were. So I guess I'll just lay my little plum head down to rest and maybe in the morning after another dream of Bruce Willis and winning a billion dollars from McDonalds Monopoly, it'll turn out that none of this ever occurred.

Children of the I Has a Corm

I've been killing time reading Blind Gossip items. Debating whether or not to dye my hair and cut the bangs. I think that'll all wait til autumn. August sucks, except that it seems to actually be June. It's muggier than my kitchen cupboards out there.

Where the hell can I buy pumpkin spice?! I need a smoothie.

Stop, stop! He's already dead...

It is time! Do you feel it is time? It's time to be vague, regardless of your opinion!

Tonight's date-night. Yay!

Naked, and carping along

Q: Nikki, wherever did you come up with the brilliant domain name NakedCarp.com?
A: Well, the dot-com boom began just over a decade ago when... oh, you mean the actual name bit. I was thinking about this the other night, and I can't quite remember. All I know is we were driving along on Moyer and whichever road becomes East Main Street at the very edge of Niagara Falls and Welland, and I somehow put those two words together and decided I was bored of my blog's predecessor name, HappyIdiot.org. So that's that, although it's not a very good explanation. Location, location, location remains true in this case, at the very least.

Q: I hate you.
A: That isn't very nice, and it doesn't really align with the point of Q&A if you want my opinion, but I'm sure if you took the time to get to know me you'd find I can sit down and chit-chat with just about anyone, as long as they're non-threatening and respectful.

Q: Do you like math?
A: You'd be shocked to discover that I really do enjoy math. In fact, if there were things in the region to be done with math that didn't only involve accounting and estimating the size of land, I'd have gone into a field math-related instead of business, which, you know, was my dream career... moving right along.

Q: What movie do you quote the most?
A: That would have to be Billy Madison. Billy Madison and the Simpsons (the show, not the movie) are among the most quotable things in my life.

Q: I don't remember you ever mentioning this Q&A would take place. Did anyone really ask you these questions?
A: ...

Stop Thinking

My latest hate:

When you ask me for advice, I give you advice, then you tell me why it won't work. So I take the extreme opposite of that advice, which I suppose you have pre-decided on anyhow, and say "Well, do that then," and you still don't agree with that. Then, I try to reach some middle ground, and I advise that instead, and you also disagree with that.

You do not need my help. You need a counsellor. Or someone to take care of your life for you. Which I personally don't think anyone could stand to do.

Anyway! Here is a cool looking car that is in my parking garage:

Sure is neat.

Angry, angry, angry. Hot chocolate isn't helping. Nothing truly bad even happened. This is all a product of the last week of the month. Oh, and that must mean tomorrow is Seniors Day. Why not! Come one, come all.

Jesse taught me how to do HDR shots yesterday. Then I taught my Nana.

It's not fair that whenever I try to read, I fall asleep. Something must be seriously wrong with my health (for the past 12 years).

Tell your friends!!

I'm getting more traffic and it's starting to feel like the olden days without the harassment. It's kind of nice. And even if the harassment starts, hey, it's summer.

Andrew found a bird's egg outside the building today. Oop. Sad.

My Ellie is gone for a few weeks (I think) and I will miss her.

I am working for the next two days. Long weekend indeed!

Why is anyone still reading this? Why are people reading this more than ever? Egads.

Why:

I love Crest Whitestrips because they make my skin look tan.

I love the Colbert is God graffiti on a shitty building on Westchester more and more every time I see it. I don't love it because it's awesome, but rather because it seems so... wrong.

Get Loose was arrested in Toronto. I wonder if he and Colbert is God are from rival gangs or the same posse.

I use a powder brush from Bare Escentuals. It's getting old and worn, and now reads BARF S ENTUALS.

Mark told me he's downloading the entire MacGyver series. I'm not entirely sure why anyone would tell me that, let alone do it.

I bit nearly clean through my right cheek today while eating. Or maybe it was last night. Regardless of when it was, I must say, there is pain!

It always rains on Wednesdays because it always rains on my days off.

Hey, the interview seemed to go well yesterday. It has so little to do with HR that I might actually enjoy the job, should I get it. But we all know how likely that is! Eh?? EH!? Yeah!

The nail comes out next week!

How was I in school just two weeks ago? I can't imagine being much more busy than I am, and there's not even an instance of classes to complicate things.

I am getting things together. I am collecting them up and organizing them alphabetically; when that's unattractive, then I try it by height. I take my left turns real wide. I steal the minutes left on your washer/dryer. I am standing in the rain without an umbrella but staying quite dry. I am watching City News at Noon and learning things. I am teaching your dog to say 'meow'. I drink the dirty water and it comes out real clean. I have not yet put my CDs on all the possible racks.

I'm either up north or in Toronto or in London, Ontario this weekend. We'll let Andrew decide that one by tomorrow night.

Tonight I premiere the one-ended MSN conversation. [All responses have been removed from the conversation, even the great ones that I felt pained to have to let go of forever. Okay, except for one.]

kris says:
jumanji in africa
kris says:
u like jumanji
kris says:
u like joe boxer?chief runingwater?
kris says:
jeep grand cherokee
kris says:
haha
kris says:
u like checkers
kris says:
i got checkerboard 4 u
kris says:
o
kris says:
u like jet li on snakes ona plane?
kris says:
u use crest white strips
kris says:
jack chan eats fruit
kris says:
ya he does. u like obama?
kris says:
or hilary sticks
kris says:
o a uncle doug choice.hahaha.uncle doug says like who george clooney? who john wayne? ya rite.he always talks about moses tho
Nik says:
:| ok i'm going to bed.

I'd marry each and every one of you!

This past weekend, we were discussing work and school and life in general, and my dad said, "Aren't you used to it?"
I said, "I guess." [Which is my reply to just about anything lately.]

But you know, you never really get used to people shitting on you when you've done nothing to deserve it. And I know that's typical; saying "I did nothing to deserve it". But at least when I've done something to deserve it, I'm understanding of the reactions I get.

What I'm referring to is a situation where, sincerely, I had nothing to do with this person's shitty day, and they came and blew my flame out to make themselves feel better. You know sometimes when you feel like a puppy, full of life and positive energy, and then some haggard old she-troll gives you a swift kick out of the blue for absolutely no reason? I hate to be full of rants lately, but every time I'm up, something has to happen to make sure I feel like I've been emotionally curb-dropped.

Actually, it happened earlier with a shittier person I have to deal with on a regular basis, too, but at least I know why she has hates on me. I'm taller, smarter, and funnier. Not to mention, better in general. But to be honest, it doesn't take much.

Happy birthday, once again, Sweetie. I hope your day was 10,000x better than mine.

...and I did it all through sheer avoidance!

I never want to be a leader. Especially not after (almost finishing) writing the most redundant paper I've written in a long while. End my life!

Cell phone-MSN sucks.

My alter ego is Turkey Sub. Kristin's is Chunky Soup. We get along all right. We need someone to be 2% Milk.

I'm sick of having the physical insides of a 55 year old man. (I don't even think 55 year old women get the same kind of stomach problems and heartburn as I do.)

I hear tell that I am in the 96th percentile of being neurotic and I am not very open to new experiences. Cool. Apparently the Big Five Model actually does mean something to psychoanalysts, despite the awful green colour and Times New Roman font of that website's layout.

Do you know what I'll be when April is over? Possibly 2 of 2 things:

1. Relieved
2. Still looking for a co-op placement