Bob Barker looks like hell

And he belongs to PETA, so there's that too. [Article and muppetty photo here]

Almost as creepy: The amount of spiders around lately.

Blow Me Away: Life Advice from a Crazy Person

We're all crazy in one way or more, no matter how well we hide it (unless we're boring, but I have half a mind to think even boring people have at least an ounce of nutjob in them here and there). Sure. I get all that. But you know what that kind of introduction means: Bus story forthcoming.

On the big ol' bus ride home today, the Zune died despite its "full" battery as it does every couple of days, so as the music came to a halt and my sudoku game disappeared, I got to listen to what people were talking about!

The Hartzel bus seems better than most other buses for entertainment value. I usually take it down to Westchester and get off to walk home from there on nicer-weather days like today. I sat down and a girl tapped a girl on the shoulder as she walked by and said "I hate that! When I run into people at the terminal just as I'm leaving!"

The girl removed her earbuds. "Wh...?"
"Oh, you had headphones on... I said I hate when I run into people at the bus terminal just as I am leaving."
"...."
"Oh it's not important anyway." The whacky cracker continued on her way to the back of the bus, as the girl who she had been speaking to (who she, clearly by this point, had never met before) looked on, puzzled.

As the bus rolled on to its bus route, I learned a few key points about this genius:

• Always leave a bar with the person you came with. That's her rule.
• She threatened a guy on that street with all the sex trade workers that runs off of Queenston (you know, that one with all the antiques stores) with a knife that she always carries with her, because he thought she was a prostitute last night
• As per the above point, just about every other night, a guy on that street thinks she's a hooker
• She can paint her nails really cool and her friend thinks she should start a business because once she made her nails look leopard-print with a toothpick and some polish
• Her friend (possibly the same one) really likes her hair the way it is right now, so she's not going to change it
• Enjoy going to school now, because the second you're out, you want back in [My own personal addendum to this: Throw any amount of money at Niagara College and they'll let you right back on through those glorious doors of higher learning]
• Everybody goes through one phase in their life; she sure did, she says (phase she went through not specified, sry)
• She's a freak of nature, some of her friends tell her

So that was my trip home. I miss the days when my car was reliable, but really, if I'm going to be transported around by anything other than the Taurus, it might as well be this. Because I need things to blog about. I have a blog, and that means I am lucky and introspective. After all, not everyone gets to blog like me!

But yeah so no.

Boston Pizza tonight with Miklos. A crazy old bag lady with a shopping cart from Zellers came in the door at the same time we did, and dazedly wheeled herself into the washroom for the exact duration of time we spent there. The waitresses joked that we could take her home now, since she clearly came in with us. "Yeah, that's my mom..." I said, later joking that I'd text her and get her outta there.

A towel on your head is no way to live. Yet here I am. Who'd have thought? No one, because that thought is boring.

I'm going to attempt to drive my car again tomorrow! Happy happy happy happy... no smokey plz.

It doesn't matter what people are sayin', as long as they're talking about ya

I'm getting a bit of a Homolka vibe from someone. It's very creepy, and I don't understand the whole situation, but ya. Asking for my cell number after you talk to me for 5 seconds or so on MSN is strange. Asking me to webcam with you is weird. More so if you're a girl (but in general too).

This person was almost a roommate two years ago. This is when I tell myself: thank your intuition for sidestepping that calamity.

Thanks.

Crazy is in fashion. There was a guy who came into the store tonight who was rambling on about the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer (Maria, Maria), as if it was some new-fangled concept. It began as him rambling on about how cashiers "don't care anymore" about learning the intricacies of international calling cards [which they don't typically use, and are never asked about, except by misinformed, economy-crazed lunatics buying female antiperspirants because a male kind burned them once]. When I accidentally mumbled "it's called minimum wage" audibly enough for him to hear me, he went off on a tangent about GM workers in the States being demoted from pays of $29/hour to $11.50/hour and asked me if I thought that was fair. I said, "I don't think that actually happened to anyone, but they're still making more than I am, and they have superior health benefits." (And whether his ranting is true or not, isn't that more properly an example of the rich getting poorer??)

I do this all the time. I don't know if it's that I LIKE to egg on crazy people to see which direction their opinions will jerk to the very next second, or if I just fucking hate people who are so distanced from reality, but something about it was irritating, so I let it go on, despite the troubled expressions of onlookers.

"Yeah?? Well it's going to cost you a lot more to buy things soon!" he rambled.
"It already does," I said.
"You bet it does!" he twitched.

Good comeback!

"I was the one rallying for years to try and get the wages up!!!" he roared.
"Uh, yep..."
"They never did it!"

Yeah, you make a lot of sense. Tonnes. Thank god for you, Crazy Man. Thank god for your rallying, yours alone, no one else's, thank god for your crazy blather, and thank god I didn't have to listen to that crazy bullshit for more than a few minutes. And, hey, good luck with the Lady Speed Stick.

Why:

I love Crest Whitestrips because they make my skin look tan.

I love the Colbert is God graffiti on a shitty building on Westchester more and more every time I see it. I don't love it because it's awesome, but rather because it seems so... wrong.

Get Loose was arrested in Toronto. I wonder if he and Colbert is God are from rival gangs or the same posse.

I use a powder brush from Bare Escentuals. It's getting old and worn, and now reads BARF S ENTUALS.

Mark told me he's downloading the entire MacGyver series. I'm not entirely sure why anyone would tell me that, let alone do it.

I bit nearly clean through my right cheek today while eating. Or maybe it was last night. Regardless of when it was, I must say, there is pain!

It always rains on Wednesdays because it always rains on my days off.

Hey, the interview seemed to go well yesterday. It has so little to do with HR that I might actually enjoy the job, should I get it. But we all know how likely that is! Eh?? EH!? Yeah!

Boom

Spend your leftover fireworks on a Tuesday afternoon. The evening is out of the question. Can't wait for the *crack!*.

PimpKiller was in on Sunday morning, uttering death threats to me as I awaited the waking-up of the lotto machine. [He] will get that pimp. You don't believe [him]? You watch. [He has] a community center.

Oh.

Not paid enough to listen to conspiracy theories, vulgar words and death threats. Not yet.

Decaffeinated Earl Grey tea = caff-withdrawal headache, but delicious taste sensation. I use Coffee Mate. I am 80 years old. I wake up twice a night to use the bathroom. I dream of yarn when I go back to sleep.

Fishing again plz.