Graduate of...

Grades are up, and that means it's official. I can start remembering what life was like before I had some kind of credentials, except for the massive amount of student debt I'll be paying back in the coming years.

I'll update more later. Just felt guilty for leaving the blog sitting here all by its lonesome for a few days.

Spilling Mistake

The Local Rabbits will always be a good springtime band for me. Spring of 2006 in Toronto, Spring of 2009 in St. Catharines.

There were some college years in between but we'll just repress all those memories, excluding of course the influential people I met during that time. A few surprisingly great teachers, a few cool people, a few good friends, one of whom I knew only for just over a year but who touched my life in a lot of ways with our common ground, some silly situations, and our fail-proof intriguing conversations.

Sometimes I think of my times with Ellie and imagine what they would've been like if she weren't there. I'd certainly have looked silly setting up a tripod in the Brock courtyard at midnight, light-painting a long-exposure with my little flashlight, doing somersaults on the goose-poop-covered ground just to see what the light in the photos would turn out like. I'm sure it looked silly then too, but when paired with maniacal girl-laughter and some shots of her spinning around with a flashlight in her hand, it was called 'fun'.

Or the time when she asked a server at the Merchant Ale House for a glass of water with seven lemon wedges in it. I will always remember seeing her from across the loud, bastardized-local rock 'n roll-filled room, mouthing only the word "lemons" at the server. I sat smiling to myself that she actually went and asked for it as a result of our conversation about how great lemons were, thinking about what adorable idiots we were. Always discussing smart things, then topping them off with lemon- or Spoon-appreciation.

Anyway, all I'm thinking is: School is over, and Ellie would've been feeling just as relieved as I am this day (probably more so).

And though Ellie left me with a paranoia about all the things I love in my life could be gone in about 17 seconds, she also left me remembering to appreciate everything and bother to make the effort, because there'll always be a few minutes a day available for fun to make up for all that.

Good things right now:

• School's done.
• The majority of dysfunctional stress in my life is gone, as a result of decision-making.
• It's the most beautiful day outside (we'll forget for now that I have to work all weekend).
• Everyone got drunk before the last exam except for the three of us who just sat there smiling about how much we'll miss those nutjobs when they're gone from our daily lives.

I'm not going to bother to balance that out with bad things. This entry's heavy enough.

Hey, the Habs are out... or something.

Fresh Start

Deleted the P-Log and all that came with it.

Ages have passed since I had an audience not comprised of exes and my exes' exes. It makes me nervous to think there are people reading about me, grinding their teeth and chortling all the while to themselves in some inane delusion that by reading me, they are humiliating me.

Really, they are frightening me.

After two years, he who cannot get over being left far behind does not deserve to know what I'm up to.

As for the strange, strange girl who takes the same fancy in my writing... it's appreciated, but our two degrees of separation along with our never having met, well, that kind of gives me the creeps. No one should be that obsessed. It becomes a bit too paparazzi and perverted, and that makes me shiver.

There's no need for that shit any longer. I don't feel like I'm losing out on anything. Attention makes me all the more uncomfortable as I get older. I'd rather have a readership of people who know me, and have known me recently for that matter. We don't stay 20 forever, and we don't live in basement apartments with our clingy, deranged, manipulative boyfriends forever, at that.